Lesson from Oz: The great and powerful

Do what you do best and you will fulfill your purpose.

***

"I may not be the wizard you expected but I might be the wizard you need."

Ho ho ho!

High school friends. Getting fat is like our thing. You could feel bad about the fact that you are, indeed, gaining weight each passing day and yet, you end up laughing about it because you all are... and you all have to deal with it. If only you could laugh your fats off.

So, yeah, I've been meeting up with my high school friends and I'm loving it. I love how we have become more matured since high school and I love growing up. I'm really happy. I guess that's the key to happiness. You gotta love the process; the process of growing up.

On another matter, I think I got tired of being the shy and quiet girl. I've become more outgoing and more at ease with my friends. For the record, this was the first time I grabbed the mic in a karaoke session with friends. I got tired of just watching people have fun. Although I haven't totally outgrown the lessons I learned of being a good girl (i.e. I don't drink), I've loosened up and now I'm having fun. I hope you're happy too.

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Innie much? Find out

God's Children

I don’t like how Yolanda has turned me into a 'tambay’. In fact, I think I’m one step closer to becoming depressed each day with nothing to look forward to and with an average of three persons to interact with every day. So, I thought I wanted to get my creativity running, you know, make art (although I’m not exactly much of an artist). I just have to do something. But I’m not even that motivated since creating without purpose is just pointless. Then, I thought about God’s creation of the world. Why did He want to create us? How could He be as motivated as He was as proven by the beauty of His work? Then, it occurred to me. It’s the same reason people would want to have kids.

Now, I don’t know all the reasons why people would want to have kids but as for me, I think I want to see someone go through life’s stages.  I want to see my child grow up with equal experiences of joy and sorrow and end up a victor by living a full life. Call me smug but I think I want to be someone my child can turn to when everything seems bleak; to be the source of encouragement given that I have been through everything that the child is going through and tell him/her that everything is going to be just fine. Then again, I’m still young.  I haven’t had any real thoughts on having kids yet. All these reasons I have might change. 

The point is that God wants to be a parent to us. The problem is that, in time, we become His rowdy teenagers and stubborn adult children. We neglect Him because we’re good on our own. We think life is all about getting what you want by making every night a party or making a fortune. But God continues to be a Father to us; waiting for us to come home to Him. He keeps waiting for us to tell Him about how we enjoy the blessings He sends us every day. He always wants us to talk to Him even only in our most convenient time. We simply forget everything He gave us (including sacrificing His begotten son).

To be His children is all God wants from us. He is our good and loving Father who would welcome us with open arms if we just come back to Him with a contrite heart regardless of how much we messed up with our lives.

Yolanda, we're just gonna laugh

After serving lunch in three-to-one ratio to the 157 evacuees...
Volunteer 1: Tara, pangaon na kita
Volunteer 2: Tara. Ano ngean tat kakaonon?

TRANSLATION
Volunteer 1: C'mon let's eat
Volunteer 2: Sure but what do we eat?
Everybody laughs. 

***

Priest: Kun ngadto ngean kamo kumaturog ha kwarto?
Volunteer: Waray na atop dre.
Priest: Nadiri kamo hito? Skyview!

TRANSLATION
Priest: Why don't you sleep in the bedroom?
Volunteer: Father, it doesn't have a roof anymore.
Priest: Don't you like that? Skyview!
Everybody laughs.

***

Puasa la anay an ayam.
(A Dobberman learns to fast by eating bread alone.)

Titikadako la an mata han Chihuahua han kagutom.
(The Chihuahua's eyes seem to grow bigger due to starvation.)

***

They say it's optimism and hope. Perhaps it is, but I can't really explain the Filipino humor. How could you laugh after finding out you're not getting a decent lunch after skipping breakfast? How could you make fun of your roofless bedroom? I guess, the Filipinos' sense of humor is just what it is. We just love to laugh.

You can break everything you want, Yolanda, but you're never gonna break the Filipinos' funny bone.

Living through the Tempest

I never thought of dying that day. I just thought of surviving. And I did.

My friends and I volunteered on Thursday night to help accommodate the residents of the squatters’ area who took shelter at Sto. Nino Parish in expectation of the coming super typhoon called Yolanda (aka Haiyan).  There was but a little drizzle and mild wind that night, how bad could the storm be? So we talked and laughed and made plans of activities for the incoming semester and we slept comfortably in one of the rooms of the convent. We never thought we’d end up being evacuees as well and all those plans will have to wait.

I was awakened on Friday morning by the whistle of the wind outside. She’s here. We went downstairs to prepare breakfast for the evacuees while the wind kept blowing stronger. Then, there was panic. The evacuees started rushing inside the kitchen saying it wasn’t safe to stay where they were. And then, boom went one of the glass doors and the other came next. There’s nothing we could do but pray. So, we offered a rosary despite the rising panic and wails as more evacuees filled the kitchen. I continued praying after the rosary and all I asked of God was that He will make the shelter of the convent enough to protect us. Dark water started to fill the room and there goes our breakfast and all our supplies. For a moment, I was scared I’d drown even though I can swim.

I was frightened when the strong wind broke the glass doors and windows and toppled the trees and electric posts outside and when the water rose to knee-level within seconds and we were forced to run to the second floor of the convent but death never crossed my mind; only survival. A nun kept pushing us to think of ways to make floaters for the children but there wasn’t anything. We weren’t that prepared. We found two prospective exits in case the water reaches the second floor and leaves us no choice but to swim through it. Thankfully, the water stopped rising but the strong wind hasn’t stopped yet. We offered another rosary. This time, many have calmed down. After what seemed to be the longest hours of our lives, the storm has passed.

Survivors from outside started coming in for they have nowhere else to go. One family had to swim through the murky water downtown and another let themselves be carried by the sea from San Jose to the shore of the city. Some of them were wounded while another had a broken arm but each held on to their dear life.

It was lunch time and there wasn’t much we could offer for the 157 evacuees, some of whom haven’t even had breakfast yet. We prepared about a half cup of rice and a half-slice of hard-boiled egg in disposable plates. Three people had to share each of those servings. That’s how little we had at that time. That didn’t matter. What matters is that we lived through the strongest storm.

After lunch, my friends and I went off to check on our friends and families. We agreed to come back to the convent before dark. Thankfully, all our families and friends also lived through Yolanda’s rage but the city is gone. All the pictures and videos you see in the news are true.

On Friday twilight, one of the priests decided to hold a mass despite the current condition of the church. It was dark. The pews have been wrecked and displaced to one side of the church. Raindrops fell through the roofless church. There were only about fifteen people attending the mass and the priest did not even give a homily; just a moment of silence for reflection. To me, it was a solemn celebration of an extension of my life. I thanked God for answering my prayer to make the shelter enough for all of us. I thought about how I could have struggled and died in the storm. Yet, here I was still. Even though my excitement for my last semester got crushed by this devastation, I’m still alive. Graduation can wait, right now I just have to cherish the fact that I lived.

I realized how short life is. I have come to include in my bedtime prayers that God forgive me my trespasses and bless my soul just in case I die in my sleep. I have come to appreciate more the miracle of waking up every morning to see a new day.

The moment I felt safe, I thought about how my other friends were doing. Did we all survive? Did I lose someone? There wasn’t any way to be sure since all communications were down and I can’t really visit all of them with all the debris and cadavers lining the streets. I have come to realize that there may not be enough time to show how much you really care about the people important to you. So, for the moment, I had to value the presence of my friends who were with me and hope that all the others are doing fine as well. Until we got out of Tacloban, my friends and I looked out for each other. Our families were not with us in the ruined city so we only have each other. No one gets left behind.

The feeling of leaving is not all that glorious. It is a mixture of feeling very grateful to be alive, of being hopeful to live comfortably once again and a feeling of guilt in leaving behind all the people who are suffering.

I was there for three days since the super typhoon. I’ve seen a man mourn over the loss of his daughter. I’ve seen familiar faces deal with the loss of everything including their homes. I’ve seen looters in action and I have benefited from the lootings myself. I smelled the stench of death in the streets. Like everybody else, I felt lost too, not knowing what to do or even where to start. A lot of lives have been greatly affected. A large number of people died but to us who were spared, life goes on. We will all have to begin again.  

Super typhoon Haiyan opened my eyes. It used to be easy to hear and neglect the cry for help of my fellowmen at times like this until I experienced it myself and I can’t just ignore it anymore. I used to lament over the huge number of casualties and the money’s worth of damage on the properties. Now, I see the pain that had to be borne by those who lost their family, friends, neighbors and homes, yet, I can’t do anything about it. The once hard life that our poor fellowmen had to endure just got harder.

It used to be easy for my attention to be diverted to anything new that comes through the social media like criticisms of politicians. Now, I just want myself and everyone else to keep our focus on helping rebuild the lives of those who survived because I know what it’s like to lose the life you built in one city for several years. I also realized that the day the storm hit is one of those times when there is really nothing we can do but pray, let God be God, surrender everything to Him and believe everything is going to be fine.

Many would say that despite everything that’s going on, the spirit of Christmas is alive. But I believe it is because of all this generosity, all these people lending a hand to help Filipinos rise again and all this hope of starting over at a time when we are at a complete loss that I can say Christmas is here. To the rest of the world, thank you. With your help, we will rise again. The one good thing Haiyan brought to Earth is the restoration of faith in humanity.

LUMINO

Words from my current favorite Vampire

The bond of family blesses us with an immeasurable power. But we also must accept what comes with it. It gives us a responsibility to love without condition; without apology. We can never waiver from the power of that bond even when it's tested. The bond nourishes us; gives us strength. Without that power, we are nothing. -Elijah Mikaelson

 

 

***

Just got home. Praise God for the safe travel!

 

Challenge for this semestral break: Bring your family closer to God. 
"Let us make our family the first recipient of our mission" - Kuya Julius Comia 
LUMINO!

Bad Hair Day

My tears just dried up after crying over my new haircut. Months ago, my mother told me that my curls weren’t very pretty anymore and that I should get a haircut – a really short one – and allow my hair to grow back in its natural beauty (i.e. cut off all the damaged part of my hair). I agreed because I never imagined it to be that short. I cried over it, then. I crawled in bed with a box of chocolates and entertained myself with a movie. There’s nothing more I can do, anyway, my hair has already been cut off. I moved on. Eventually, I thought I looked better in pictures than when I did with long hair and so I learned to love it.

Yesterday, I laid in bed for hours after an exam and when I was preparing for my 5:30 PM class, I realized my hair can’t be done. There’s a stubborn portion of it that stems out and away from the rest of it. And then, last night, my mother called. She told me she’d seen my pictures on Facebook and said I should get a haircut because my hair was already shaggy. Imagine hearing that when you’re having a bad hair day. So today, I got a haircut. Now, I look like a kindergartner.

But hey, even a bad hair day can be a source of insight.

• There’s more to a day than having a bad hair day. How could I waste my tears on such a trivial matter when I could be happy for passing Cost Accounting? Yes, I did it. After two removal exams, I finally did it. Hoorah! So, when you’re having a bad hair day, ignore the bad hair and focus on the day. There are numerous things to be grateful for in a day.

 

• Remember that your haircut does not make you who you are. It is you who makes your haircut. I thought I look like a kindergartner with this hair. I didn’t realize I was acting like one for crying over such a petty matter. So whether or not my hair does look like that of a kindergartner’s, I want to try my best to look my age.

 

• Make your own decisions if you don’t want to end up blaming others for what you end up with. I kinda started to regret listening to my mother to get a haircut. But hey, mother knows best. Who knows, after this long (and I mean loooooong) period of time of waiting for my hair to grow back, it might actually look better.

• Thus, the last insight being “Sometimes, you have to wait for things to get better.”

Now I feel better. Have a great hair day!

GPP is L-O-V-E

I woke up this morning and suddenly I realized

 I love us.

 

 

And I love our Minions shirt

GrandPaPaternity is <3

 

Conclusion to the last JPIA night batch presentation of GPP

 

“Life is full of surprises” ‘ika nga. Sino ba’ng mag-aakala na mag-cha-cha-cha agad si Ryza Mae sa oras na ipanganak siya o na kaya’y manganganak si Tyang sa set o na kaya’y bakla sina Ethan at Liam o na kaya’y magkapatid sina Celyn at Margaux?

Sino’ng mag-aakala na ang mga batang minsan ring nakarami ng “bonai” mula kay Mam Emma, Sir Tikki, Sir Lacaba, Sir Lanante at Mam Birdie ay makakahanap ng lakas ng loob para ipasa ang Quali? Sino ba ang mag-aakala na ang mga mukhang to ang magsasama-sama sa loob ng tatlong taong pakikipagsapalaran sa mundo ng Accounting?  At ‘eto kami ngayon tulad nina Ethan at Liam ay nagpakatotoo rin sa isa’t isa at tulad nina Celyn at Margaux ay natutunan ring pakisamahan ang isa’t isa. And together we will continue to embrace the surprises and challenges brought about by the wonderful (ehem) world of Accounting.

Ang batch na major sa pagpapatawa, sa paggawa ng puppets, sa pagkanta bilang choir at sa pagmemerienda. Isang masigabong palakpakan para sa batch na sa isa pang pagkakataon ay naghandog sa inyo ng “total entertainment” – batch GrandPaPaternity!

 

 

McDuko-duko

Because I'm so bored with the monotony of going to school and back to the boarding house after classes every day, let’s spice it up a little. Tonight, I enjoyed dinner at McDuko-duko with GPPips Alebeth, Ate Karen, Haide, Marsha and Gerald. What’s McDuko-duko, you ask? It’s those little barbecue house behind McDonald’s – it’s cheap and, though, I wasn’t so sure whether the food is clean but, hey, my stomach wasn’t absent… er… upset. Thanks GPP!

Kasi brownout

Have you ever tried discussing Rizal’s life and issues on the side of the road? –feeling nerdy.

 

***

First time to use chopsticks. –napaka-maaram.

Go Eunice!

 

Wow, Alebeth! 

 

???

 

Ruby

Guess who

This is just cute

 

Awesome Fireworks tonight. Shindig.  Happy Ruby Anniversary, UPVTC! UPVTC living up to its 40^th year is a blessing for me because it provided me with an institution that would accommodate my holistic development. Thanks UPVTC!

 

 

It's in the details

Funny how I only notice Sir C who is up front while Riza notices the good-looking guy on the left side of this picture. Do you see him? (I suppose it’s kind of blurry. Visit the Dean’s office to get a clearer view of this picture.) If you don’t look closely, you might miss out on the more beautiful things like this handsome guy right here.

 

So, pay more attention to the details that make your life’s picture more beautiful. Enjoy simple joys and laughter. Live through the pains of everyday life. In the end, just like this picture which forms part of UPVTC history, these simple things become part of you and mold you into who you are.

Pang-ChaBu

Matthew 6:19-23

It's amazing how God can use even our remiss professor to talk of the Gospel.

She was sharing about her tasks as associate dean. She explained to us how, with the powers vested on her current position, she can easily steal cash from the College. She approves, executes and has custody of the College's funds which means she can actually manipulate the records and conceal theft if she'd want to because of weak internal control. She found it extremely tempting, yet, she chose not to do it. According to her, she doubts if she would be able to sleep as soundly. Indeed, peace of mind is more gratifying than money. Integrity is more valuable than money.

In the Gospel today, Jesus wants us to store up on these important values. He wants us to seek real treasures and not those that would be left in this world. The treasures of this world may bring us happiness but the treasure of heaven brings everlasting joy.

 

Matthew 6:24-34

My wallet is totally depleting right now that I'm too close to being broke but God just wants me to trust Him and never worry about how I would survive until I receive my next allowance. Last Tuesday, I smiled in worship as a heart-warming thought came to me. The reason I'm running out of cash was that I spent money on three birthday parties - the first was with my classmates, the second with my housemates and the third with my YFC family. Friendship (three sets of friendship for that matter) is one of the real treasures Jesus spoke of in yesterday's Gospel reading. Although the thought of being almost broke is alarming, there is no need to worry because God will provide.

SWEET 16 @ TWENTY

It’s been two days since my birthday and I do have some thoughts I can’t afford to go unwritten.

Ever since last year, I’ve had near-to- tears moments even days before my birthday. It’s like I can never thank God enough that I just want to burst into tears as I kneel in church or as I say my evening prayer. My birthday prayers are filled with thanksgiving as I look back at everything that happened in my life. I can’t even ask for anything in particular anymore, I just ask for continual blessings knowing that God knows my needs and desires better than I do.

 

My birthday is the only day that I feel really special like I’m somebody. I know it’s pretty childish but it’s more like a manifestation of how happy I am.

I guess to a twenty-year-old (ehem), it’s no longer a day when you can ask for anything you want, but it’s a special day to thank God more than you do any other day. It’s when all the blessings you received are magnified. And that’s what makes the day special. And that’s why I feel special.

A day before my birthday, while on the way to my review class in Palo, I wished I could spend my birthday with people I love. I wish my mother and sister were here to celebrate my birthday with me, but that’s too impractical. Then, my classmates planned a sem-starter party/ birthday celebration and so we went to DWU (night swimming as usual). I wanted a cake for my birthday. Knowing that I’m not getting that from my classmates, I just made sure to buy one for me and Junah (who celebrated her birthday on June 8).

It’s kind of sad to think that my classmates might only remember my birthday because I’m one of the sponsors of the sem starter in June. I don’t like it, really. Any feeling of thankfulness for my presence would have compensated but only Kay expressed her feelings. She thanked me for being a good friend. I know. One of my many flaws is that I want to feel appreciated. Not recognized, just appreciated. I don’t need lengthy public speeches, just warm hugs and simple thanks or even a warm smile would have sufficed. Anyway, maybe they’re just not expressive or maybe we’re just not that close.

However, despite that little tampo, I’d like to thank GPP for sharing many experiences with me, for putting up with my silence and complaints, for making me laugh every now and then. Life in Accounting would have been tougher than it already is if it weren’t for you. You know what they say “Misery loves company.” Hehe.

It’s June 16. Happy birthday Michael June. I had no other plans for the day but to go to church. It’s the one lesson from my father that really stuck in my head. Back to the day before my 15^th birthday (ehem), my mother asked me what I was planning to do on my birthday and I answered, “Just this and that, maybe invite my friends” (of course, I wasn’t speaking in English… duh, awkward… we’re no Conyo family naman, noh). And then my father, as if frustrated with my answer, said in his loud and strict-sounding voice “What do you mean, just this and that? Go to church” (not in English either). That’s when it dawned on me that I didn’t even consider God on my special day. And up to know, I keep that lesson in mind. That’s how I learned to make my birthday about giving thanks to God.

 

 

 

As I was saying, it’s June 16, 2013. I had no other plans but to go to church. I went to church with Michael where we ran into Ginalyn who only remembered my birthday. Haha, kawawang Michael. She shoved Michael out of the way and gave me a tight hug. Aww… Now, isn’t that sweet. Thank you Ghen. After church, I walked the streets of downtown Tacloban with a gloomy disposition. How am I going to spend the rest of the day? I can’t just study. It’s my birthday! I ended up staying online for hours, responding to greetings on Facebook and to replying to text messages. Then, I served snacks for my sisters in the boarding house later in the afternoon. Last na daw eh kasi ga-graduate na ako. Ayan, my wallet is thinning na tuloy.

For my birthday, I only asked the Lord to surprise me. And though nothing big happened, God surprised me with simple reasons to smile and laugh and be moved near to tears.

Later at night, I received a text message from my brother Zeus greeting me a happy birthday and then asking how my day was going. He presumed I was busy attending to my own party but I told him, there wasn’t any party; just Facebook, text messaging and chatting with my roommate. And then this wise brother told me “A party doesn’t have to be extravagant Ate Gwen. Chatting with roommate is a party. Nakakapa-happy man.” So, I stand corrected Zeus. Thank you for pointing that out when I thought that there wasn’t going to be anything special that would happen on my special day.

So, now it’s two days after my birthday. Guess what. I got the cake I wanted! Thank you YFCs. That cake meant a lot to me (char). It’s enough to make me feel appreciated and loved (I guess my childish idea of a birthday will never be taken out my system. Haha).

Tonight, during the orientation, it was a delight to see those young people rejoicing in the presence of God; thankful and thirsty for more of Him. It’s another year for campus-based. Welcome Freshies! College life with the Lord is not going to be as easy as you think but it’s going to be worth it. For as long as you never let go of God’s hand, you will always be in good hands. He would even carry you during the worst of your days. Just trust Him.

Forgetting

Forgetting is a gift.

Forget the good stuff: You are on your way to wonderful rediscoveries. This brings back really good memories that you come to appreciate even more.

Forget the bad stuff: You are on your way to living a full life without the burden of the past. And when you do remember them, think about how you conquered and lived through it. Temporarily forgetting it helped you go on with your life. 

So every time you forget something, remember what I wrote here. You see what I did there? Every time you forget, I want you to remember :P

All this because of that hearty breakfast of cheese on pandesal I had this morning. The taste of it I'd forgotten and now rediscovered. Yum yum! 

Gwenly Reminders

Keep your vote cool and clean. 

No, this is not an iced tea commercial; they’re just really good in coming up with this reminder.  

Cast an intelligent vote. 

Read the candidates’ profiles. Listen to the news. Don’t vote on the basis of the candidates’ promises in their advertisements. Look for what they have contributed to the country or for the betterment of their respective provinces. Surely, they couldn’t have run for senator without first handling local government units.

It’s better to give than to receive but it’s okay to receive. 

On May 13, money will just come to you. The excitement of receiving it has even become a Filipino joke that comes around every three years. It’s okay to receive as long as your dignity stays intact and by that, I mean don’t sell your vote. Ever. A senatorial candidate said that he thinks like a marathon runner. He always looks at the long run. Selling your vote can make you rich for a day or two or several days depending on the amount they give out but when you look at the long run, you end up with corrupt officials wanting back the money they gave out during election and a country that is poorer than it already is. Think like a marathon runner and say no to vote buying.

Muster some courage. 

I’ve been told of the danger of breach of the contract of sale (in this case, the object is one’s vote). They say one can even end up dead, especially in the rural areas. Perhaps, this may be a bit idealistic but I think it takes some courage to really fight for what you believe is right.

Shake off timidity. 

On May 13, it could be hot and humid out or it could be wet and muddy. Would the weather stop you from moving towards a better Philippines? Go out and practice your right to suffrage.

Pray for a clean election. 

We never really know what happens once we cast our vote. We can never be sure of an honest election despite its being automated. However, we can always pray that the evil one be kept at bay so that we may have a clean and honest election.

TOWARDS A BETTER PHILIPPINES!

Grace

Grace

by Laura Story

My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things You do through me as great things I
have done. And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me 

And hold me as my father and mold me as my Maker.

Chorus:
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, 

You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."

At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged,
knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job.
For who am I to serve You? I know I don't deserve You.
And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me
hanging on.

Chorus*
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, 

You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."
You are so patient with me, Lord.

As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really
means. The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary. 

So, instead of trying to repay You, 

I'm learning to simply obey You
by giving up my life to you For all that You've given to me.

Chorus:
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I
keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far
will forgiveness abound?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, 

You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace.

The Earth

We've all learned from basic science the three layers of the Earth - the crust, the mantle and the core. Many geologists believe that as the Earth cooled the heavier, denser materials sank to the center and the lighter materials rose to the top. Because of this, the crust is made of the lightest materials (rock- basalts and granites) and the core consists of heavy metals (nickel and iron).

The crust of the Earth is broken into many pieces called plates. The plates "float" on the soft, plastic mantle which is located below the crust. These plates usually move along smoothly but sometimes they stick and build up pressure. The pressure builds and the rock bends until it snaps. When this occurs an Earthquake is the result! 
(Source: http://volcano.oregonstate.edu/vwdocs/vwlessons/lessons/Earths_layers/)

Yep, that's Mother Earth. She has a lot in common with my own mother. The crust is what I see of her. The mantle is her motherly instinct of keeping the core deep under by avoiding serious talks and just seeming self-absorbed. The core is her circumstances. 

The sad part is that I was too focused on the crust on which I live. I was too focused on the earthquakes and how they affect me. I never took the chance to understand the whole being of the Earth. You see, hidden under that thin crust and that very thick mantle is the core. These are my mother's circumstances. I realized that I may never have cared enough to understand what's going on deep below what I see. As of the moment, my greatest regret is having thought of my mother as the antagonist of my life.

She burst out last night. She told me some really nasty things about myself and how I've been acting up. They hit me hard. But I thought I needed to hear that. Now, she's still mad at me and I'm very sorry about giving her a hard time. I just hope she forgives me. My mother has been through a lot and I ought to try and understand that core. 

It took me a heartbreak to realize that we all have different circumstances. Don't let it happen to you. After all those tears, I ended up blaming my own selfishness. I've known for so long how selfish I am, so I try to fight it every single time. It's not enough to scare it off, though. I'd have to defeat it and see it dead. Who knows? This might be the summer that could change my relationship with my mother forever. 

PS. I'm thinking that what happened last night was partly because of my being irritable on the night before the first day of my girl-thing. My mother always falls victim to it. ALWAYS. This too shall pass. And out of all this will come a more understanding daughter and a better mother-daughter relationship like I've always wanted. I just have to take part in making it so.

***

At lumipas din :')

Heartbreak is a good teacher.